So, I was walking through the local video rental store the other day, looking for a holiday flick (read: movie to watch with my girlfriend in hopes of an awesome make-out session afterwards) to kindle the holiday spirit in me, when I came upon the realization that great modern holiday movies are, quite sadly, hard to find. Now, I’m not talking about those great classics like Miracle on 34th Street or It’s A Wonderful Life from the 1940s. It’s pretty hard to argue against Natalie Wood and Jimmy Stewart. I’m talking about how I can’t think of a single movie since then that really captures the holiday spirit (No, Love Actually does NOT count, simply because I’m pretty sure any movie with Kiera Knightley can never ever have the word ‘classic’ associated with it. Sorry, Domino). Oh, many have tried and failed: Santa Clause, Fred Claus, are a few that come to mind. Of course, every once in a while, a movie like Elf or The Nightmare Before Christmas might come along, but they don’t really tug at the heartstrings and make me want to grab an ornament to trim the tree and/or light the menorah. So, I’ve compiled a list of key ingredients every great holiday movie should or shouldn’t have:
1. Good holiday music. And I don’t mean Christmas carols or Jingle Bells blasting during every scene transition or family scene. I mean, good John Williams-style or James Horner-like composed Christmas music with lots of horns. Hey, Hollywood, play around a little. The indie scene is big right now - how about Joshua James?
2. Lots of little children. During the holidays, nothing says family and love and Festivus like little children, prancing around with lots of cheer. Of course, this doesn’t man ANY child should be in the film. Dakota Fanning and her creepy adult-like acting, cloyingly annoying children who can’t really feign acting, and scary Asian children - these would be things to avoid. If I could, I would travel back in time and kidnap Macauley Culkin from his time in Home Alone.
3. If you’re going to have Santa Claus in the film, get a guy who either a) reminds people of Santa Claus (sorry Tim Allen - all you remind me of is, well, cheap booze, power tools, and suffice it to say, that does not give me holiday cheer) or b) can’t act worth a damn, but can ho ho ho like the best of them.
4. Vince Vaughan is to holiday cheer as sheep are to open heart surgery.
5. Finally, don’t make the moral of the story complicated, involving something other than “God Bless Us Everyone.” Seriously, this is Christmas. Seriously. That means directors to avoid would be M. Night Shyamalan, Michel Gondry, and Francis Ford Coppola. Stick with those who know: Chris Columbus, Ron Howard, and Robert Zemeckis.
So, that wraps up my list of ingredients every good holiday movie should have. For some safe bets, check out Miracle on 34th Street, Yes, Virginia There is a Santa Claus, or The Bishop’s Wife. Have a jolly holiday season. We here at popcornsodagoobers.com wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy Belated Hannukah, Happy Kwanzaa, and a Happy New Year.
December 24th, 2007 at 2:47 am
Most of this boils down to “movies you saw when you were a kid.” The longer a movie has been around, the more it will become a Christmas tradition. Unfortunately, someday Vince Vaughn and Kiera Knightley might be a part of everyone’s tradition.